June 28, 2024
Fatherhood
I’m thinking of my father this weekend.
It’s the 2nd anniversary of his death.
He died June 28, 2022, opting for Medical Assistance in Dying (MAID).
His life had become unbearably painful and lonesome…battling prostate cancer, the anxiety of possibly moving from retirement home life into long-term care, and enduring the painful loss of my mother.
I’ve only just started to scratch the surface of my grief over his death. My wife died just 5 months later, and her loss has consumed me.
My Dad was instrumental in my life.
He provided for me and gave me a home to grow up in.
He taught and mentored me in many ways…
Helping me buy my first car.
Teaching me how to do woodwork trim, build a backyard pond, garden, take care of a lawn, and build an outdoor rink!
He never failed to call and wish me well whenever I had an exam or important task in life.
He took me to Church, brought me to see his home and early life surroundings in England, and encouraged my uncertain efforts to develop a career and build an identity for myself.
I will remember him for his strong work ethic, quirky sense of humour, the interest he took in other people, and his deep compassion and thoughtfulness for the needs of others.
He was not always the easiest to connect with.
He could be prone to impatience, sudden mood changes, and fits of anger. He had strong expectations, could become quickly annoyed or offended, and was not often comfortable being challenged or having his opinions or thoughts disagreed with.
Despite our struggles, I always knew he loved me.
Several weeks before the end of his life, he called me one Sunday night to recount the accomplishments of my academic and work career, and to tell me how proud he was of me💞
I miss him, his wisdom, and reassuring presence.
He will always be in my heart and I will forever try to make him proud of how I try to live my life in the best way possible.
Fatherhood.
It’s not easy.
We’re all trying to find our way.
I have yet to see a perfect model of fatherhood in my personal or professional life!
And I know there are many of you who…
• have never known a stable father in your life
• have lost a father and continue to grieve
• have a conflicted relationship with your father
• have been challenged to navigate the
often complicated dynamics of being a
stepfather
• experienced the joy of being a grandfather
• never been a father yourself, and missed that
precious opportunity
My hope is that we men will find ways to connect about our experiences… to support and encourage each other, learn to forgive and heal, grieve and remember, celebrate and honour the all-too-fragile but important place of ‘fathering’ and fatherhood in our lives.
